The Gift

Well, its that time of year again. We’re approaching October 1^st, and that can only mean one thing – football is in full swing!  Oh yeah, wait; what I meant to say is that it is my wife Kristy’s birthday!  Her birthday always seems to last 3-4 days in our household, and deservedly so. She takes care of Joseph and I so well and because of that, she deserves a few days of increased attention from her guys through thoughtful gifts (OK, the neck pillow from a few years back was not that thoughtful, I admit it), a nice family outing to enjoy what is usually beautiful weather, and always a night out for a great dinner without a certain now 6 year old!

You know, when we think about birthdays, we always first think of gifts. We love to receive gifts, but it’s also just as much, if not more fun to give them. The look of surprise when you give someone something they would never think to purchase themselves, or the look of joy when you give someone that very thing that they’ve maybe wanted, or did not know they wanted. That is one of my favorite things about Christmas is to see Joseph bouncing down the stairs Christmas morning to see the tree lit up, a fire going in the fireplace and gifts from Santa under the tree with the awe and excitement in his eyes, and the joy and happiness in his heart. But I’ve seen so many people, especially kids, get even more excited waiting for someone close and special to them to open a gift that they’ve given them. I’ve seen this at numerous birthday parties we’ve attended with Joseph and his friends where the kids can barely contain their excitement waiting for the birthday boy or girl to open their gift. And I feel this way too! Most times I cannot wait to give Kristy her gift and end up giving it to her early because I am so excited for her. That’s one good thing about me being a procrastinator – I don’t have to hold onto the gift long before the big day. This must have been a small glimpse of how God felt right before Jesus was born!  Imagine His excitement to give that gift to humanity!

But there’s one thing about gifts that can be kind of sad. So many times, we get gifts that we may use for a while, or we give our kids a toy, or game, or even a book that they may play with or read for a while and then they sit on a shelf or in a box – unused and collecting dust. From time to time, we receive gifts and we love them, and we love the people that gave them to us, but all too often they sit in a corner or in a closet out of sight. I see a lot of this with my son, just with all the toys he has. But I think we’ve all done this to a certain extent with the gifts we‘ve been given. I’m not talking material gifts or wealth, but rather the talents and capabilities we have been given as people. We sometimes take things for granted, and oftentimes we don’t use the talents God gave us.  Maybe this is in our jobs, maybe our families, or perhaps in the church or in the community. Sure, it’s great to be able to get paid to do something we love that fully embraces our God-given talents where we can make a difference in peoples lives and the world. But it’s also about using your gifts at other times in your life to do the same – whether it’s in the community, your church, or in society. 

Do you have talents that you are not using? Do you have qualities and abilities that set you apart, things that you can do better than anyone else that would make a difference in this world, but you’re not really doing?  Or, are you kind-of using the gifts you’ve been given, but just doing the bare minimum? Can you do more?  Do you see the ability where maybe you can change your job, or your career, or volunteer in areas that better align with your talents? Or if you are frustrated with your career, do you have a gift where you could start a business doing something that you love that would provide a service to society? Sometimes it’s a huge risk. Sometimes you have to get out of your comfort zone. Sometimes you have to take that leap of faith. I think we all can reflect on this and learn something about ourselves. I know I can do more. I know I must do more.

But if we live our lives not using our gifts and talents and keep them on that dusty shelf, or locked in that dark closet in our head while we continue to do the bare minimum, then we are wasting those gifts. People do a lot of good in this world, but if we all put in a little extra effort to do more of the things we do well, and focus more on the positive things we have to offer, this world would be a much better place. Find what it is you love to do, what it is you’re best at, and then do it. Chances are, that is your gift.

As a guy named Paul once wrote – “If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly…”

Not everyone can make a living doing what he or she loves or whatever his or her gift is. Sometimes we have to have day jobs. But we can all make a difference. Everyone has a gift; something that no one on this earth was put here to do as well as you, and we have the duty and responsibility to seek the answer on how we can use it. Don’t just let it sit on the shelf.

Play to Win...

I was a senior in high school, and it was late February. We were playing a rival team in basketball sectionals, a team that had beaten us twice earlier in the season and was simply better than us. Throughout my career, I was never a starter; though I did I get a fair amount of playing time off the bench from time to time. I would consider myself a pretty good shooter, I remember there were days in the summer where I would shoot baskets outside all day, and I remember many times not going into the house until I had scored 700 points (that’s 350 shots made in a day). Why 700 points? I’m not sure, I guess it seemed like a good round number, but I would do this type of thing every day. I loved to shoot baskets (and still do to this day). But on the court, I was just not as aggressive as I should have been. I was a role player, and found myself often playing “not-to-lose”, rather than playing to win.

But on this night, in the first half, we were getting beat pretty bad. I remember at half-time, coach was so upset he told all the starters they were sitting to start the second half and myself and 4 other guys from the bench were to be on the floor to start the third quarter. I had a different feeling this night. I was a senior, and this was tournament time. We lose and we’re done. Here I am, potentially playing the last half of my basketball career. I didn’t have anything to lose, and I remember the following events clear as day. I was relaxed. At first, I’m open for a 3-pointer. Swish!  A couple minutes later, I hit a 3-pointer from the baseline. Swish! I start to get a little excited, I hear our fans start to yell and we’re going on a run. A few minutes later, I get the ball at the top of the key, take a couple dribbles and knock a shot down at the foul line. The tempo is picking up, we’re chipping a way at a 20-point deficit, and then a few minutes later, I hit another 3-pointer. Swish! Playing better, but unfortunately not stopping the other team. Finally, I get fouled and hit a pair of free throws for my 12^th and 13^th points of the half. We’re not able to stop them and chip away at their lead, and we end up losing. Game over. Season over. My last high school basketball game. But yet, this game was one of the most satisfying events to ever happen to me, and one of the most disappointing. Not disappointing because we lost, but because I waited until my last game to play the best game of my life. I waited until I knew time was running out, until I felt I had nothing left to lose, until I didn’t have to worry about having to run suicides the next morning if I messed up. I waited until this last game, when I knew it was it, before I finally relaxed enough like I did when I was shooting baskets in my driveway, and went after it and just had fun. I wasn’t playing not-to-lose, I was playing to win! 

This game was in 1995. The lesson has stuck with me for almost 20 years. Not because I like to relive the memory of playing well, but because this game was one of the biggest life lessons I have ever been taught. This motto, “Don’t play not-to-lose. Play to win!” has stuck with me since those days. You see it all the time in sports, where teams get tentative because they’re afraid that they’re going to make a mistake, or turn the ball over. This is why the prevent defense in football doesn’t make sense to me. How many times do you see a team play the prevent and let the opposing team march down the field, get momentum and score. Or how many times do you see teams go away from their game plan and what works, stop attacking and simply try to run the clock out and lose momentum and get out of sync? And in life, how many times do we take the safe route and fail to open ourselves up and go after things in life – a job you really want, a personal relationship with someone you love, or a spiritual relationship with God? All things we may desire or feel we’re called to, but are afraid to go after because we don’t want to be rejected or are afraid of failure. Before you know it you’ve been going through the motions for 20 years and you realize you could have done so much more. 

You have to live life like you have nothing to lose, like we’re not afraid to fail. You have to live life all out and forget your fears and play to win, rather than play not-to-lose. You have to be aggressive and go after this life and go after the desires and callings in your heart. I’m not talking about money, power, and material things or being spontaneous and jumping out of a plane on a whim, or crushing your peers on our way up the corporate ladder. I’m talking about something more. We need to love like we’re not going to get hurt. Even if that means that those closest to us do indeed hurt us. We need to use our gifts and our talents we’ve been given to better this world and others around us, even if that means getting out of our comfort zone. We need to realize our God-given potential, even if that means failing along the way. We need to seek what our purpose is in life, the path that God has laid before us, and the steps we need to take to get there, even if that means we stumble and fall from time to time. We need to lose all of those fears, take it one day at a time, and go all out. Go after those mountains in your life, those challenges that seem insurmountable. Don’t be afraid to let your guard down, to be excited, to show that you care, and have fun. Don’t take the game too seriously, but don’t be afraid to put in the work to get where you want to go, to do what you were put on this earth to do, to do the things you have been called to do. There will be hurdles, there will be pain. There will be ridicule. There will be days where you won’t know how the hell your going to be able to do it, or how your going to get there. But don’t look at your life and think “What if?”  Don’t think about what you should have done, or what if I would have done this, or what if someone would have done that? Don’t blame things on other people or society. When you start to ask “What if?” and think of the past, ask “What now?” What am I going to do, now, at this very moment? Life throws you’re a curve, or you’re not realizing your potential in your career, or your life seems to be spiraling out of control, or your relationships are out of sync? Ask yourself, what can I do now to get back on track and make a difference in this world? What can I learn from this?

Sure, I could have asked myself, “what if I would have been more aggressive in basketball all along and what if I would have done this or that back in high-school?” I could have probably started and scored a lot more points, or we could have won more. What if Andrew Luck wouldn’t have thrown that interception last week to end the game, or what if the referees would have not blown those two calls?  We can think about “what ifs” forever. The only thing we can do is try to be the people that God wants us to be and when we mess up or don’t apply ourselves, or the referee blows the call, we can simply be humble and say, what now? What’s next? How will I respond? What am I going to learn from this and do to improve myself or the others around me? I believe you only truly win from losing, and in the end, we really never win anything from playing not-to-lose.

Your Purpose is in the Journey

I was looking through some old photos on my computer and I ran across some from a trip to California a couple years ago. I was going out to Palm Springs for a conference and had to connect in Phoenix. I was due to get into Palm Springs in the evening, so it would be plenty of time to get some dinner and relax poolside after a long day of traveling. As I sat in the Phoenix airport, my connecting flight was coming from somewhere else, but for whatever reason was late. They kept saying that the plane was coming, but before I knew it, it was after 11:00 pm local time and I knew this plane was not coming for a long time(if at all) and I would be stuck in the airport much of the night. So, I figured, its only a 4 hour drive from Phoenix to Palm Springs, I would get a hotel room in Phoenix, rest-up, and then drive over to Palm Springs the following morning, which is what I did. 

To this day it was one of the best travel experiences I have ever had. There is just something about going on a solo road trip that clears the mind and refreshes the soul, and traveling through the desert as the sun comes up was truly exhilarating. With each passing moment and every mile, the color of the landscape and surrounding mountains would change with the rising sun - from deep purples, to burgundy's, to reddish-brown to light brown, exposing the sun-scorched hue of the rocks. Saguaro cactus would loom on the horizon, and cover the desert floor in all directions. This stretched for miles until I hit the the Colorado River, where all of a sudden the desert turned into an oasis. This stretched for a few miles into California and then it was back to desert again. But on this trip, there was just something about driving through that desert that was captivating. For all the hassles in travel and the stress of a delayed flight and the frustration that comes along with it, this delay was truly a Godsend. It was just what I needed, at just the right time to basically make me slow down and take in the beauty around me. It was time where I was forced to just drive, and forget any worries I had and just embrace the path before me that I had never been on, and realize that my frustrations and what I thought were huge hassles in life were just a minor blip on a huge landscape that would come and go. So I made it to Palm Springs, and had a great conference, and then got back to Indiana and basically forgot about the experience until I looked through those photos. I could have used the clarity I had on that trip from time to time in the 2 years since, but perhaps the reason for this was so that, a couple years later, I'd be flipping through some photos and relive that experience, at a time where I could really appreciate its significance.

You see, many of us think things happen for a reason, and that everything is all part of God's plan. I do believe God has a plan for us, that there is a purpose we are to fulfill in our lives. But I don't think it is any one thing we do, and any one event where the lights come on and we understand the mysteries of life or why we are here. I don’t think that God is directing our lives, moving us like chess pieces, and one day we will suddenly fulfill His purpose in some special way, where everything then all of a sudden makes sense. I believe that how we fulfill our purpose and do God's will is to live everyday loving God and one another, and using the gifts He gave us to better this world. He may have a goal for us to achieve based upon our unique gifts and talents, and the potential He gave us, but in the end, it is up to us to choose how we live, what we do, and where we go. He may help us out from time to time, especially if we talk to him frequently and live by His ways, but he's not going to do the work for us, because its through the journey, the self discovery, and the perseverance where we learn how to realize our potential and do his will. He may present opportunities and open doors where we can use our gifts and talents we were given more effectively to help others. But the choice to do so is ours. It is our own free will, and if our life is centered in love and faith in doing what is right, then our will, will in fact be Gods will. As St. Augustine once said, "Love God, and then do what you will." Think about that.

God has a plan, a goal for every one of us, even if you don't believe in Him. The thing is, having that belief, though, is what turns a delayed flight and subsequent drive across the desert into an experience that you'll reflect on years later, rather than a hassle and a night of anger. Its that belief that will turn that frustration over a job into the ability to recognize other doors that are already open, rather than missing those opportunities and wasting the gifts you've been given and living a life of frustration, that leads to discontent, that leads to selfishness that leads to anger. My destination on that trip was Palm Springs, and I got there, with a great experience along the way and seeing things I would have never seen from the air. Could I have gotten there faster had I waited for that delayed flight? Sure. I could have gotten there and had still had a great outlook and still had a great conference. But I doubt I would have been reflecting and talking about the trip two years later. God has a destination for us, and he knows our potential. His purpose for us is not one big event, but how we live our lives everyday, how we treat the person at the airline ticket counter or how we act in traffic, or how we treat our neighbor. These are lessons I have had to learn, sometimes the hard way. He expects us to use the gifts we've been given. But it's up to us to make the choices along the way, and we may not get there as fast as we probably could, and some of us may never realize our potential. But if we stay centered on Christ, He'll get us there and the journey, will in fact, be our purpose. 

For Love of the Game...

You know what we get to do today, Brooks? We get to play baseball. - Jimmy Morris, The Rookie

That's a quote from the main character in one of my favorite baseball movies, The Rookie. He's talking to one of his teammates while playing minor league baseball.  As I get older and baseball players from my childhood continue to get inducted to the Hall of Fame as happened this past weekend, I want to reflect upon a story I just read about one of them, Tom Glavine:

…Glavine recounted a time early in his life in the car on the way home from a hockey game when his father, Fred, wanted to discuss the game. “Didn’t want to criticize me, just wanted to have a conversation,” Glavine said. “So after a short time of me being less than pleasant in the conversation because things didn’t go so well, my dad told me something that I never forgot.”

What Fred Glavine told his son was: “You’re going to go into that locker room with a smile on your face and you’re going to come out with one, or I’m not taking you anymore…”

That’s all that matters, isn't it? That our kids play for the enjoyment, for the fun of the game. It's not life and death. There are plenty of things more important, or should be, yet there is so much pressure on kids today, put on them by their parents, coaches, and society. With Joseph showing an interest in sports, baseball especially, this is starting to hit home. He can be so hard on himself sometimes, even at this age. And we, as parents, can sometimes contribute to that. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, more enjoyable to me right now than seeing him play baseball, the light of joy in his eyes with not a care in the world. Just him playing ball with his buddies - running, laughing, and having the time of his life.  Hours upon hours he would spend out there if we let him. We stopped by to watch an AAU baseball game at the neighborhood park yesterday – probably kids 13 or 14 years old. Joseph was so into the game, watching and studying every move they made, learning the rules. Asking questions. This kid loves competition, any type of game.

Of course I want him to do well. Of course I want him to improve, learn teamwork, build character and acquire discipline. But most importantly, I just want him to have fun – win or lose. And to enjoy playing. I want to see him laughing when he steps into that dugout or locker room, and I want to see him laughing when he steps out, regardless the outcome. I know that’s tough, I know disappointment is part of the game. I've been there. But sometimes we want our kids to excel so much and strive for perfection, that we set them up for failure, regardless of whether it is sports, or life. I want him to look at life with that same light in his eyes, that same joy that he gets when he picks up that baseball. And when he picks up that baseball, I want him to forget about life for a while, and just have fun, win or lose.  Sport should not dictate life, nor should life dictate sport. They just need to compliment each other, and its my duty to ensure that happens. 

And while I will still pick my teaching moments, and try to keep telling him to use two hands, keep that back foot planted, or watch that ball all the way to the plate, I'm learning that most times, I just need to let him play the game and have fun doing it. As parents, we all need to be more like Frank Glavine. Forget the criticism. Forget the constant pressure for them to be perfect, no mistakes. They'll get enough of that from others in this world. Teach them respect. Teach them kindness. Teach them integrity. Do our damnedest to make sure our kids still have fun and to learn these things while doing it, and just love watching them play. They will thank us later.

Run and Surrender

So it's been a while since I've written a blog post – and a lot has happened since then. I've vowed to myself that I will start writing again, because its a great way for me to share my thoughts and perspective, and it's something I thoroughly enjoy to do. I just need to take the time. 

So here is a pic I snapped of myself on my run Monday morning out to Big Sable Lighthouse. The lighthouse is only accessible via a 2 mile trail, or by walking the same 2 miles along the beach. Big Sable is one of my favorite places(I've written about this before), and I try to do this run at least once a summer when we are up there. So on Monday, we walked out to the beach, setup our site, and then I went out for the 4 mile round trip run. You can head off on a series of other trails along the way that head back into the dune country if you like, each one providing splendid scenery and challenging terrain. But reaching that lighthouse on Big Sable Point is always a nice prize, no matter how many times you get there. When you visit from year to year, or even season to season, you see how the beach has eroded and changed, some times the sand is built up, some times it is washed away a bit more. Some times the water levels are up, and some times they're down exposing more of the shoreline.

There is something serene, and almost spiritual about lighthouses. I've found they're usually on some of the best beaches – Big Sable, and Point Betsie in MI where the sandy beaches are magnificent and the quiet vistas of Lake Michigan allow you to simply ponder and think. Sanibel Lighthouse on Sanibel Island, FL where just off the beautiful beach laced with the seashells the island is famous for we were in the emerald green water, 25-50 yds from a pod of dolphins. And then to the amazing Portland Head Light in Maine, where I spent hours watching and listening to the waves crash into the rocks at the base of the cliff. Portland was as loud as Big Sable is quiet, but there was still the same type of silence – silence where you can really listen to you heart, your soul, and let your thoughts wander. If only those lighthouses could talk, and share their stories. They’ve seen it all, they’ve weathered the storms, and they’ve guided sailors to their destination, and you can almost sense that the lighthouses themselves have a soul. There is a peace and a serenity at these monuments that I do not feel elsewhere, that I wish everyone could experience. A mysticism that seems to draw you to them. 

So back at Big Sable – I turned around and ran the 2 miles back to the beach where Kristy and Joseph were – hot, sweaty and covered in sand. It was a tough run, running through sand, and rocks, so my feet and legs were sore.  I quickly grabbed Joseph to go to the water and I dove right into Lake Michigan and the cool water. I have never felt so alive as I did at that moment. The tiredness of my muscles from the tough run, the feel of a hot, hard work-out, replaced with the exhilaration and freshness of jumping headfirst into the 68 degree waters of that great lake. At that time, I felt like one of those dolphins in Sanibel, and I could not hide the joy inside of me. I felt cleansed. I felt refreshed. 

You see, life is a lot like that run. You run to the light sometimes. Other times you run away from it. Sometimes the path to the light is tough and curved, other times it's smooth and straight. But at the end of the day, when you're exhausted, filthy and the run of life has beat you up, just let your cares and worries go, and dive in and surrender to yourself, to what is good, to what you know is right. Let the waters of life cleanse and refresh you, and begin again. That old lighthouse in your life will continue to stand strong. And when you're ready, turn around and run back to the light.