It's Not About You, It's About Them

As I’ve been continuing on my journey the last couple months with That Man is You and my men’s retreat group, a concept keeps revealing itself in our discussions that when it comes down to it, really reflects what life is about - It’s not about you, it’s about them. This phrase is so simple, but so powerful. Over and over in our discussions, whether its about our families, in our businesses with our employees, colleagues, our customers, or the stranger on the street – the discussions seem to always circle back to the central idea of how we treat others and what our motivations in life should really be about. We are often focused on ourselves and what we want, being fulfilled, being happy, and what it takes to make us happy. We all want to be successful, live happy lives, have things, and provide things for our families that maybe we didn’t have growing up. We keep searching for that happiness, that nirvana that will make life complete, and the more we look for it, the more elusive it is. It’s only through others that we can truly find any bit of happiness and fulfillment in this life, and it’s only through others that we will find the way to the next life. This is a message that I am really only now beginning to discover, and grasp. It’s not about me, it’s about them. All of them. Everyone but myself. It’s about living my life for my wife, for my son, for our families, for our friends, for our community, and for our world. Living my life for God. It’s only through living our lives for serving others where we will understand true happiness in life and true fulfillment. And I don’t mean doing something to get a good feeling or expect a reward in return. It’s doing without expecting anything in return, for the sheer joy of helping people, improving the lives of others, and lending a hand to your sister or brother, and having a person’s back without thought of your own – even if that means a personal sacrifice.

I’ve been wanting to blog about this for a while, but was waiting for the right time and circumstance to write it.  With Veteran’s Day tomorrow, I got to thinking about our men and women who have fought and died for this country, who have fought and died for people other than themselves, for our freedoms, and their bothers and sisters on the battlefields along side them. It got me thinking about one of my favorite vets – Kristy’s grandfather, George Maniez. I first met Grandpa in 1998, not too long after Kristy and I started dating. I’ll never forget when I first saw him, sitting at a table wearing a blue windbreaker suit in the basement of Kristy’s uncle’s house for her uncle George’s birthday party. He was the first one of Kristy’s family I really talked to and got to know, and I remember it was March Madness time, so we talked about college basketball. He was a big sports fan, as he was always watching the Tigers, Lions, Pistons, or that other team Up North…J Over the years, when in town, we always made a point to go and visit Grandma and Grandpa, and they would always talk about the same things, tell us the same stories every time, of course while discussing whether or not the Tigers or Lions could finally do something that season.  But there was one day when we heard a different story; one day when Grandpa shared something he had never told anyone else.

Grandpa was a member of what many call the Greatest Generation. He grew up during the depression and then served our country in World War II in Europe. It was a nice summer day, and Kristy and I were sitting with him outside his garage talking about his garden and the weather (the man always had the best looking garden!). All of a sudden, he started talking about the war. He wasn’t a part of the initial Normandy invasion, but he was among the waves of troops that landed on the beaches over the next couple days after D-Day. He started talking about his company’s trek through occupied France, and their encounters with German troops. Many of you have seen pictures of soldiers hiding behind dead cattle during a firefight – well, Grandpa lived it. He talked about living day and night in foxholes, under enemy fire and being so scared his knees were shaking that he could barely stand. He said people today don’t understand what fear is.  He said at that moment, you’re not thinking about your country, the people at home, or the mission of the war – all you care about is keeping yourself and your fellow soldiers, your brothers around you, alive. And sometimes, to do the latter, you have to sacrifice the former.

Fortunately Grandpa did not have to give it all, but he gave some. He talked about Operation Market Garden where there were literally thousands of airplanes and paratroopers were in the air, and how the sight and sound of the planes overhead was unbelievable. And then he talked about how one day, during a firefight, he was shot in the arm, and the thing he remembered was how hot the bullet was, and then how he pulled it out of his arm. It was obviously a day and a time he would never forget, and like many other war veterans, he never did forget what he experienced. After being shot, Grandpa recovered and then worked at German POW camps for the remainder of the war, where he recalled that the Germans were treated very well and were just like everyone else caught up in this awful mess. And he even mentioned “the Germans give a really good haircut!”

A couple other times in the following years Grandpa talked to Kristy and I about the war, and at one point, Kristy and I were talking with her uncle about how many times he has heard these stories, and he said “Never!”  For some reason, Grandpa felt at ease talking to Kristy and I, and told us some things he never told anyone else. I feel extremely honored to have held his confidence where he felt comfortable telling us these stories, and feel privileged to have heard these stories from someone who was there, so that I can continue to pass them down as the years go by. But one thing sticks out – the trust and love that soldiers have for one another, and the sacrifices they make for all of us here at home, whether it was during the Revolution, World War II, Vietnam, or in Iraq/Afghanistan.  When it all comes down to it – it’s not about themselves, its about their brothers and sisters in arms, and anyone of our vets, our soldiers, would sacrifice themselves for their fellow soldiers at the time of need.

Grandpa passed away after a long hard life in 2008, six months before Joseph was born. I would have loved for the two of them to have met as I know they would have loved each other. I think as I look at my own life, and how I can leave my legacy and my fingerprint on humanity, I can take some lessons from Grandpa in how I live my life and serve my family. Was he perfect? No. He had some quirks and did some things that drove people nuts. But he, as so many in that generation did, sacrificed so much, and endured so much for their families, for their loved ones, and for their friends. What we are facing today is so much different because the majority of us still have the things we need and most of what we want, no matter what the current financial crisis is or how many wars we fight. The times have changed and our country provides a lot. But we also have many different challenges associated with this world, with technology, money and power, which have poisoned our society, and have lead to a self-centered, “it’s all about me, I can do whatever I want” culture. We need to learn from our past. Not only what not to do, but things that maybe we should do and should start doing again. We need to learn from others, learn what true sacrifice is, and remember that the world is not about you, its about them. And that by living your life for the lives of others, whether it be in business, on the battlefield, or in the home, we may not always be happy, but we’ll always live a life of fulfillment. It starts with you, but it ends with them - our spouses, our sons and daughters, our communities, and yes our band of brothers. By serving others we fulfill our purpose. 

I’d like to express a special thanks and gratitude to our Veterans on this Veterans Day, and pray that we all remember those who have sacrificed for the welfare of others and have served our country so that we all can enjoy the freedoms and blessings that our present in our lives. God Bless.